To bead or not to bead...

That seems to be the main concern in this household today...M. is busy trying to calculate the "bead" size for his wing icing simulation problem, while I am busy trying to figure out how to make the best use out of my own beads. Both endeavors require maximum concentration and clever use of mathematics (albeit I must admit my problem is a lot more fun to deal with than his). We were up until 3 am last night trying to find a solution for his beading problem (who am I kidding? I was just sitting there, nodding, scribbling nonsense, and downing my martini). He doesn't seem that eager to help me out with my own problem though...I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that my beads are pink in color and actually look cute.

M. is working again today, although this time he's home...We spent the entire morning cleaning the apartment, and now he's working on my desk while I am...Well, blogging on the couch in the living room, I guess. It's incredibly cold outside, something like -15 oC feels like -10000 oC, and I had the bedroom window open to air out the apartment, so now I am cold...Once you're cold it's so hard to warm up even if you close the windows and put on a sweater; the hands (my hands?) just refuse to warm up for some reason...And this after 2 mugs of hot tea and 2 chocolate muffins. We're planning to go out for dinner, but I'm hoping we'll either go somewhere really close by or somewhere far enough that we can take the metro...It's not so much that it's -15, because really, at -15 the weather is so dry one doesn't feel it as much as when it's -3 and humid (in my opinion)...BUT the wind just kills you, and there's a lot of wind...For the past 2 days, it's been stormy here, so stormy I was scared the table out in the balcony was going to fly away...Now that I think about it, since I haven't had the guts to go out and check, I have no clue whether it's still there. Hmmmm...Would a table that fell 11 floors be able to kill someone? Don't tell me, I don't want to know.

So, since I have a lot of things to do "work wise" but don't want to do any of them, I decided now is just as good a time as any to start working on my new thin scarf/accessory thing that I want to make. I bought this yarn (3 skeins of it) last year because I thought the colors looked great, it was very cheap and it is 100% Australian wool. After I bought it, I realized I had no clue what to do with it. It sat in a bag all this time, until last week when I finally decided I'd make myself a skinny scarf/belt/accessory thing I could wrap around my neck (or waist) 107124 times. Then I thought this yarn might just do the trick. So I went and got some beads for it from a bead store. I had to try really hard just to get beads for this yarn and not get sidetracked and buy a bunch of others I would never use. In the end, I got these:



When I got home, I realized there are only about 36 of them, which is not that many. Hopefully, I'll be able to make something decent looking that really resembles what's in my head...Sometimes I start making something and then realize what I'm thinking about making and what I am actually making have no resemblance whatsoever. So who knows what this might be in the end, a belt turned into a tea cozy? A scarf that could double as a sock? The possibilities are endless...I really need to plan my projects well before I attempt to realize them...Now that I think about it, maybe I just need to stop and think for a minute before I attempt to do ANYTHING, and plan it well and think it over in my head, because there's a repeating pattern here...The best laid plans of mice and men (and me?)...Knit 1 , purl 2...

Finally, after trying many different things, I think I managed to cook a "home made stir-fry" that tasted alright...Mind you, it's not Chinese Restaurant perfect, and not as tasty or greasy, but it does taste good enough to quench a craving when mixed with some Chinese noodles and sesame oil.




I looove Chinese food, and wish we ordered in more often, but I don't even have a phone number for places close to ours, and have not tried any of them. There was this little Chinese joint close to campus in my old town (where Mariachi claims one of his friends once had a huge cockroach in his stir-fry) that had the best hot and sour soup ever, I still sometimes crave that soup and have yet to find a place that makes a soup that tastes similar (yeah I kept going to that place to get hot and sour soup even after I heard about the cockroach, it was that good). Most of the soups I tried here and elsewhere are either not sour enough or hot enough, or just plain don't taste the same...

There are many things that I used to love that I try to stay away from now, the hardest to stay away from being sushi...Everything was fine until I ate sushi back in September. I got a severe headache the day after and vomited the whole day, and I had some kind of red bumps that appeared on my body. That day I did not think it was the sushi, because Mariachi had the same stuff and nothing happened to him. Another time at another place, the same scenario came to pass: sushi followed by headaches, vomiting, red bumps next day...And Mariachi was fine again. I doubt the chances of me getting poisoned by sushi twice in a row, at two different places, when nothing happened to Mariachi are a bit slim. And just a couple of weeks ago, the same thing came to pass, this time with home baked salmon. :S So something is definitely not right here...I've always been sensitive to seafood, and tried not to over do it, avoid fish eggs etc. etc. but now it's gotten to the point where I have to avoid it or I become very miserable for at least 2 days. Funny enough, the same red bumps, without the headaches, appeared again when I ate spinach. I don't get it, they are big, itchy and painful at the same time, filled with some type of fluid, and I've never had anything like this in my life before...I mean every now and then I'd get small pink bumps, but not this often, not this big, and definitely not with almost everything I ate! I think the first thing when I get my health card might be going to the doctor to get a referral to an allergy specialist. It is becoming very annoying wondering if I'll react when I eat something. Apparently chocolate, ice cream, and any combination of both are out of the question now, too, as I scratched off a huge piece of flesh from my foot the other night...in my sleep!

Various thoughts on random things

-I bought, for the second time ever in Montreal, the Sunday paper today (a different one than the previous one because previous one had no "careers" insert) only to find out that...this one has no "careers" section, either...Hmmm...First one was in English, this one was in French...Maybe they have the job ads some other day? I was hoping for something better than what I can get online from their websites. This job search is really doomed.
-Mariachi went to his office both days to work...I did yoga and random housework stuff while he was gone, but I have nothing to show for it somehow :S
-I decided to notch up the level of yoga a bit today...My whole body is aching right now. In a weird way that makes me feel good, because 1. I feel like I worked out 2. I felt this way when I first started doing yoga again more than a month ago, and the yoga I do now was starting to become too easy. That means maybe this routine will become easy in another 1.5 months (assuming I stick with it...ahem...), and if that's the case, then I might one day finally be able to do the "crow pose"! (Which for some reason, no matter how much better I get at yoga, seems like an unattainable pose.)
-Weather report says it will be 9 oC here tomorrow...That doesn't sound normal at all.
-I don't understand why blogger underlines "doesn't" in red like I am not typing it correctly...That is the correct spelling I believe...
-I just finished knitting a scarf and a matching earband/earmuff kind of thing...I can't wait to wear them! Mariachi said they look like those stylish things girls in "Elle" magazine wear. I never buy Elle, so I have no clue where that came from, and whether he thinks Elle is some kind of knitting magazine...I doubt anyone in Elle actually wears anything close to a scarf/earmuff combo, hehe...But I thanked him anyway, because he said I was "very talented"...Apparently he has no clue what talent is either.
-I spent almost an entire week at the library. I feel like I am back to school again, and that I still have a dissertation to write..When will I get used to the feeling that it is over? Sometimes I just can't help but question why I am, at some level, so unwilling to leave this "student state of mind". I do feel like I am ready to move on to something else, I desperately want to start working, yet there is still some kind of uneasiness...Somehow, this idea has been instilled in me, that "working" is very, very hard, and you have to be very diligent about it, and be ready to give up your whole life for it, and you will never ever have fun once that phase of your life starts (I have no problem working really hard, I'm not lazy, but I think what I associate it with in my head is unhappiness). My dad was a workaholic, and my mom often used sentences like "well, she works so it's understandable that she can't come/do something" or something to that effect. Maybe my mind has been programmed to think, from early childhood, that "real work"=no life, crazy working hours, not being able to do fun stuff, and being cranky all the time...Of course work takes commitment and hard work, and one should always do his/her best and give 100%, but I don't think it's supposed to make you miserable. Totally depends on what you do of course, and whether you like what you do or not, but it's so hard to break these thought patterns once they've been "set". Or maybe it has nothing to do with that at all, but I feel like it does.
-Sometimes I scare myself trying to read into my past to explain current "thoughts" or "behavior patterns". I wasn't like this...WTH?
-I really wonder what I'll be doing around this time next year...Last year, I was getting ready to move here, the year before that I had no idea whatsoever I'd be defending my Ph.D. or moving to another country in a year, or that I would be engaged. Sometimes things move unpredictably fast in life. And I think I prefer it that way...

Universe:1-Me:0

So...I had my wallet stolen yesterday. I have no clue how it happened, my purse was with me all the time. Apparently the person who stole it had no bad intentions---like stealing my identity and applying for credit or something. Instead, "she" went shopping. I say "she" because I don't know that men necessarily shop at Roots and FeetFirst for shoes and handbags. And this within 1 hour of stealing my wallet, and right about a few blocks away from where it was stolen--that was fast! Anyway, needless to say I had to cancel the credit cards, my school ID here, and my U.S. driver's license. The last one bummed me out the most, because it's something I cannot replace from over here, and might mean that I'll have to carry around my passport for an official I.D. That sucks, because if I get that stolen then that's big trouble. I am totally stumped as to how this whole thing happened, I never had my wallet stolen before and I've always been careful to guard it well. Now I'm going to be all paranoid when I'm out...

Anyhow, this reminded me of one of my former posts, about how things could be better in my life and would the Universe please show me the way. Well the Universe showed me the way alright: Complain and I shall make you humble by having your wallet stolen and leaving you to deal with DMV on the phone (I learned some pretty cool stuff today, like you really cannot cancel your driver's license unless you return it to them...even if it's stolen!?!)

Universe: So you said you didn't want to think about how your life could be worse...No need to think, I'll just kindly show you, you ungrateful piece of s&*#...
Me: Ohhh where's my wallet?!?
Universe: Well, right now it's with a 20 year-old who's bent on a shoe/handbag shopping spree...With your card and ID...She could do anything you know, shop, apply for credit, even rent a car and have an accident...She'll probably not do any of those as you will cancel the card really quickly and she just needs new shoes (about $700 worth!!!) but there's no telling where she's going to throw them all and who'll find them next.
Me:#%&*%&&*!!!
Universe: Yup!
Me: I'm trying reeeealy hard to see some growing opportunity in this...
Universe: OK keep looking...Ooopps gotta go, got lots to take care of...Starting with the chick who stole your wallet...I wonder what would be an appropriate action to take in this case...hmmm...now what was it? A wallet for ungratefulness, and...hmm what was it for stealing?
Me: Byeee! Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out...

All joking aside, I have everything under control now, I think. I just have to make a visit to the bank to replace my debit card I canceled yesterday, and a trip to school to replace my student ID, if they will give me one (since I am not officially registered right now). And maybe as my dear friend Doodles suggested this is an opportunity to really make a fresh start...Who knows...

Help for Haiti

Just a quick note...It's been exactly a week since the earthquake hit Haiti, hundreds of thousans of people have lost their lives and even more number of people need our help. It will take a long time for all the wounds to heal (physically and emotionally). If you want to help but have no clue what to do, you can donate to Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF) (or Doctors Without Borders as we know them here). From what I read, they already had their quarters there, but unfortunately it was badly damaged, and they might have lost some of their staff . MSF Canada changed their website so that it is very easy to donate now. When you donate, you can choose where you want your donation to be spent (Haiti or "Greatest Needs" seem like the best options to me right now). Let's all take a moment of silence today to remember all the people who lost their lives in this disaster, all those that are hurt or lost, those who lost loved ones, how we can help them, and remember how lucky we are that we can sit comfortably in front of our computers at home worrying about things that seem trivial in comparison (for my own case at least).

Weekends are for fun

I had a nice and relaxing weekend...For the past week or so, I've been feeling a bit discouraged about this whole job search thing. There are absolutely no positions in academia or otherwise that match my qualifications...not even a little bit. The fact that I am limited to one city makes things a bit hard I guess, and one where the official language is French even more so (yes I can speak French, but I think it'd be in the best interest of students not to hear me trying to teach them in French :S, I really don't speak it THAT well. Although previous schooling experience also makes me think maybe good speaking skills are not really required to teach at the university level, especially in engineering :s). Anyway, I'm trying to keep my chin up, and trying to stay positive, which takes quite a bit of energy...But this weekend I made an even more conscious effort to stay positive and not sulk, since we only have the weekends to have some fun with Mariachi. Friday night we had some friends over for dinner, and we ended up drinking and playing Monopoly...The drinking part was of course really fun but Monopoly is a very dangerous game to play with good friends, we decided there'd be no hard feelings after the game. :) Saturday night we went to this little Italian restaurant just around the corner from our place with friends for dinner...It's one of those small family owned places, where you take your own wine and drink it from little water glasses Italian style . (The first time we were there we made the mistake of filling our water glasses-which look like wine glasses- with wine hehe.) We had to wait 40 minutes in line, but their pizzas are sooo good it was totally worth it. It's so hard to stay in shape here. But to deal with stress and also to stay in shape I've been doing yoga like crazy...It's been a month now that I do it every day (almost...I did miss a few days when we went skiing, but that was butt kicking exercise on it's own)...ughh...Well, yesterday we had a really lazy morning where Mariachi got to eat his first egg "à la coque"...


It's been a surprise to me to find out that he never tried it before...hmmm so everyday we learn something new, eh? Anyway, I don't think he's going to eat it again, the only kind of egg he likes is scrambled. The egg on the right there belongs to him. Can you tell he never ate one before?

In the afternoon, we decided to check out Parc Lafontaine, to watch people skating on the frozen pond but the pond was closed due to thin ice. That was a bit of a bummer, but instead we got to watch some kids (and grownups!) having fun tobogganing.

Later, we walked to Juliette & Chocolat, one of my favorite places to "visit" in Montréal. Hmm I had this drink made with creamy molten dark chocolate, cayenne, some other spices, orange peel and some type of alcohol, I want to say Cointreau, but I may be totally off base. It's served warm and it's soooo yummy and so good for warming up. Mariachi had his favorite--the chocolate fondant...Needless to say I ate half of that, too. Did I mention it's so hard to stay in shape in here??? It was cold outside and very cozy and warm inside that the lens of the camera got all hazy...And a rub with the back of my finger yielded these very crappy nostalgic looking pictures:



Today I am feeling somewhat recharged and happy (happier looking at those pictures above!). I got out of the house at 9 am and went to the library where I had a very productive 4 hours working on my papers, and then had a very nice meal for lunch with a friend and her friend, where they talked about European policy making and peace-making in the Middle East. Topics well over my head and outside my area of expertise, but it was interesting to listen to nonetheless.

Right now I am determined to kick this "blues" in the ass, once and for all. After all, something will eventually come up...Right? Right???

Dear Universe

Dear Universe,
Hi! Remember me? It's me, the girl who doesn't know what she wants to do when she grows up...It's been 31 years since we met and we just had that conversation the other day where you asked me again what I wanted to do, I said I still didn't know, and then you replied that in that case you still couldn't give it to me. I understand the reasoning behind that, I really do, but dear Universe, what's a girl to do? I mean, at some level, I do have some clue about what I really want to do...But then you never told me that I had to know WAY in advance, in order to prepare for it, like maybe around the time I was starting high school? Do you remember what I was like back then? If I have no clue now, boy had I not a clue then. What is it that I'm doing wrong? I know it has something to do with bad choices regarding career moves within the last 6 years, that part is clear as day to me now. But what am I to do? Really, is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life? I could definitely use some guidance.
Thanks...
PS: All the other stuff you unexpectedly threw my way along the years is greatly appreciated. I am sorry for not appreciating most of it at the time and I know you're tired of hearing me complain for the stupid mistakes I make. I understand things could be much worse...But things could be better, too, you know and I am not going to pretend I am content with not having a job. I am grateful but I don't want that thought to stop me from growing and making progress...After all, I know I can be much more than what I am now, and I want to be productive and put in my share for humanity. I want to be of use, and that sure ain't gonna happen with me sitting here and thinking how things could be worse in my life.

Sorry!

If you've ever left a comment on my blog and I never replied back, it's because I didn't know people were leaving comments (because I thought nobody ever read what I wrote!). Well, I'm glad to see some people follow what I write every now and then. Hiiii!
PS: This blogging thing is weird...It's so exciting and scary at the same time to know that people read about your life without really knowing you. But I like sharing things, even though I'm mostly talking to myself and most of the time have nothing that would be interesting for others to read...LOL

I see you...

Yesterday we finally went to see Avatar (3-D at IMAX)...Wow, what a movie! Honestly, I was a bit skeptical going in. We had to buy our tickets 3 days in advance...Mind you, it started playing on Dec. 18! I mean, it's almost been a month, and it's still sold-out everyday?!? I don't think that happened to any other movie I wanted to see before. After all the hype, I thought maybe I'd be disappointed....But nope, the movie was sooo good I didn't want it to end...It's so cool it makes you wish you lived on Pandora as one of the Na'vi people. The visuals were pure magic, the colors, ohhh the colors...This is one of those movies that have to be seen at the movie theater, preferably in 3-D. I can't even imagine what it'd be like to watch it at home, it would probably (definitely?) lose some of that magic.


On a different note, I just found out the other day that the Molson Brewing Co. I see out my window everyday is the oldest brewery in North America. I'm not a big beer fan, and the mass produced factory beers appeal to me the least, but still a cool fact nonetheless. In the below picture, it's the building with the "clock" on it. Oh wait, now that I look at it, it really is a clock!

Pawcake

Here's a little paw shape that appeared on one of the pancakes I was making before the holidays...My cat's paw looked exactly like this. She was declawed (before I adopted her...I would never ever do such a cruel thing to my cat) so she didn't have the "claw" part of her paw (unfortunately). The day they had to put her to sleep, they gave me a clay mold of her paw, and the similarity between her paw print and the shape on this pancake surprises me.

Back to reality...

The holidays are over. Somehow the Christmas carols they still play at our local grocery store don't sound that festive anymore. The beautiful white snow we've had over the past few days has turned into gray slush, the kind that somehow makes it into your living room on the 11th floor. It's almost as if the weather is playing along and reminding us "it's over, back to work now, you have a full year ahead of you and lots to accomplish, get on it!" Mariachi went to work this morning, and I woke up with a head cold from our trip to the "mountains". We had a blast, blog material for later probably.

It's only the 4th of January and I feel the sound in my head going "sheesh, is this going to be the year you get a job? Will you have those papers published, or what? Are you planning to send an e-mail to that someone you've been avoiding the past 3 months???Are you ready for the reply you'll get? That tummy flab won't go away on its own you know, and certainly by not eating a lot of comfort food. Hey, is that your kitchen pantry that's soooo disorganized? It could definitely use a little organizing, and don't even get me started on those wool sweaters that have been sitting in your hamper for the last 2 months because you have to hand-wash them. And what about that private French teacher that you were going to find? blah blah blah..."

Dammit me! Give me a break!